I'm often asked how I manage to stay so positive. It might surprise you to learn that I am not always very positive. But really who is? We all have our bad days. "It's not easy for anyone Pete" (a little quote by Peggy).
One low today was having to attend a kindergarten ceremony, to celebrate the ages three, five and seven years old. The ceremony itself was fine, very pleasant. I was so happy to see Little Guy's sneaky smile as he marched past me in the procession. Why so down? It's my complete lack of friends at kindergarten. It's very depressing going to events and not speaking to a soul when everyone else seems like they've known each other for years. In fact, I stand alone every single day waiting at home-time. Cliques are rearing their ugly head in my life again. Boo hoo, poor me. I've tried not to let it bother me. I have tried to speak to some of the other mothers but never progressed past more than a hello, nice weather. It would be nice to have somebody to stand with or sit with sometimes. It's a sad and constant reminder that I don't fit in.
Noodle had a day off from school today (his school founding day). He told me that heaps of kids were going on a trip somewhere. I asked him why he didn't go or why he didn't even tell me about it. He said "You would have said No anyway". It's true, I probably would have. The trip was organised somehow by a group of parents. They all went together in a couple of family vans. Again, since we don't know any of the parents we didn't hear about it. Another sad and constant reminder that I don't fit in. And it's affecting my kids.
There were some highs! I got the latest Ikea magazine in the mail ( a bit pathetic but it cheered me up). I received a lovely email from a Mee a Bee customer about a bag she bought a year ago. The kids played on the Lego website without fighting and I was able to sneakily introduce them to the castle / knight / kingdom games so they'll be excited when the set comes from Santa. I made lunch plans for next week. And I baked a delicious new cake for tomorrow's Chatty Cafe.
Highs and lows. We all have them.